Making Room for Everyone: How to Bring Intentionality to Social Connection

Think about the last time you were in a room full of people where connection was supposed to just happen — a conference networking hour, a company offsite, a neighborhood block party. For some people, those moments are energizing. But for many others, that unstructured time feels more overwhelming than exciting. You find yourself standing near the refreshments table, unsure how to break into a conversation, wondering if everyone else was given a social script you never received.

We’re going to use the conference as a thought experiment here — but the real question underneath it is a broader one: what does it look like to be intentional about creating space for quality connection in any social environment we’re a part of, whether we’re planning it or simply participating in it?

The truth is, quality interactions rarely happen by accident. They require intentionality — and that’s something we can actually build into the environments we create and participate in.

Start with Your Own Experience, Then Go Further

A good place to begin is by reflecting on your own experience. What would make this setting feel more comfortable or connective for you personally? Maybe you find it hard to approach strangers cold. Maybe your social energy runs out faster than you’d like, and you need a moment to recharge before you can show up fully in a conversation.

That self-awareness is valuable — but it’s only a starting point. The goal is to think beyond our own experience and consider the wide range of ways people engage with the world. Some people are energized by unstructured social time. Others find it genuinely depleting. Neither experience is wrong. Both deserve to be accounted for.

Creating Space for Social Energy to Fluctuate

One practical idea that addresses this directly is a simple visual indicator of social readiness — something like a color-coded name tag or lanyard that a person can flip depending on how they’re feeling. Green might signal “I’m ready and open to connect,” while orange communicates “I need a little break right now.”

This might sound small, but it does something important: it normalizes the reality that people have different social capacities at different moments. And when someone has the chance to step back and recharge, they’re often able to come back and have far more meaningful interactions than if they had pushed through exhaustion.

Along those same lines, designating a quiet space — an area where it’s understood and accepted that you’re there to decompress — removes the awkwardness of needing to step away. It sends a message to attendees: we see you, and we’ve made room for you here.

Lowering the Barrier to Connection

For people who do want to connect but struggle to initiate, there’s a concept worth borrowing from elementary school playgrounds: the buddy bench. A designated area where someone can stand or sit to signal “I’m open to connecting” takes the pressure off having to cold-approach a stranger. It creates an easy on-ramp.

Similarly, identifying a few naturally social people in advance and asking them to act as informal engagers — people who keep an eye out for anyone on the periphery and help bring them into conversations — adds a layer of human intentionality that no amount of signage can fully replace.

Shared Tasks as a Bridge

Another often overlooked tool is the shared activity. There are people who connect more naturally when they have something to do alongside another person — a puzzle, a collaborative art piece, a simple task. The activity provides a built-in conversation starter and takes the pressure off the interaction itself. Connection becomes a byproduct of doing, rather than the sole objective.

What Happens at the Table

Even in a seated small-group setting, connection doesn’t always distribute evenly. Two people can end up carrying a whole conversation while six others go quiet. Providing simple conversation starters — questions related to the theme of the gathering, or slightly deeper get-to-know-you prompts — gives everyone an entry point. And a gentle reminder, encouraging people to notice if someone hasn’t had a chance to speak and to invite them in, can shift the dynamic at every table in the room.

A Reflection Question for You

The conference setting is just one lens. The same thinking applies to a team meeting, a family gathering, a neighborhood event — any place where you hope connection will happen. Who in that space might be struggling to find their way in? What is one small, intentional thing you could do or build in to make room for them?

The specific ideas here may not fit every context. That’s okay. The goal of this thought experiment isn’t to hand you a checklist — it’s to prompt the question: what does intentionality look like in the social environments I’m already a part of? Because quality interactions don’t just happen. But with a little thought, we can help create the conditions where they’re possible for everyone — not just those who find it easiest.